5 ways to navigate the holidays, family and COVID-19
The holidays are not fast approaching, they are here! Most people are trying to make the best decisions for themselves, their family and the general public. Other people may have a completely different mindset of what decision making looks like when it comes to gathering with family and or friends during the holiday and a health crisis.
Opinions regarding the social responsibility around traveling and gathering during COVID-19 has become such the controversy in some households like it is to discuss politics, religion and sexuality! So what to do? If you are dealing with a family centered situation that is causing you distress in which you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, anxious and just plain ole’ exhausted due to the varying opinions of others we have 5 brief and practical supportive strategies.
1. Silence the noise. When we are making decisions, particularly about big things, we have the tendency to consult others. We want to know what they think or how they feel about a particular thing. But this “noise” infiltrates our psyche and it clouds what YOU actually think, feel and genuinely want to do. We all have the answers we need for every situation we face inside of us. Sometimes it is just about silencing the noise so that we can actually hear what the best decision for us is.
2. Understand your messaging. When a conflict arises within a relationship in which you are feeling pressured to meet the need of another individual, which entail means acting upon something that doesn’t serve you. Then at minimal, you should have an understanding of what messages you are sending to yourself within the interaction. Are your messages rooted in positive automatic thoughts or negative? Sometimes we lean towards a decision not because we feel it is the best one for us but because we become consumed with the messages we are telling ourselves which directly influence our decision making.
3. Are you making logical or emotional decisions? To expand upon the previous tip, are your messages rooted in a reasonable mindset based in logic or an emotional mindset rooted in feelings?
Example: A family member says you are being selfish for not coming home for the holidays. They mention that your cousin and his family will be there. They say you always think about yourself. They mention that this could be Grandfather’s last holiday with us and you are debating not to come.
-So this is harsh language, a hard conversation. That we would hope family members would not say such things to us. But it does happen. And what do we do with that?
If immediately you are feeling thoughts rooted in guilt, shame, selfishness etc. put those thoughts on trial. What facts do you have to support those thoughts? Those are emotion centered thoughts. But what are the logical things? In reality, you do love and miss your family, this is your favorite time of year and you want nothing more than to spend the holidays with them. You miss your grandfather, he is your favorite person and you really want to meet your cousin’s newest baby.
But you also know that you are not personally comfortable with traveling and spending time in lieu of all that is transpiring and you rather not take the risks for yourself, your family and the general public. This is wise mind decision making, a balance between a reasonable mind and an emotional mind.
1. Think long term. At times we consider decisions from a framework of immediacy, rather than longer term impacts. A long time ago I discovered the wonderful phrase and concept that “your emergency Is not my emergency”. This could not be further from the truth. Something that feels like an emergency to one person may feel very basic to another. Therefore again assess how much value do I personally place on this decision.
2. Be Flexible and forgiving. The beautiful thing about us all is that we are all unique. We can come from the same family with different perspectives. This is all okay. Be flexible with yourself and your family. Don’t be afraid to stand alone in your decision making. Be forgiving to those family members who don’t agree with your perspective and respect their opinion but respect yours more!
At the end of the day, these are difficult times, circumstances and hard decisions to be made. We are all under a lot of stress in various ways for different reasons. Family will be family regardless. Now more than ever it is beneficial to nurture ourselves and not pressure ourselves.
With Love & Light, JP
